The concept of self-care has received some backlash recently, but much of this is based on a misunderstanding of what self-care is. Let’s dispel some negative stereotypes about self-care. If you view self-care as indulgent or selfish, you are wrong.
1. Self-care isn’t usually about pampering or pampering yourself.
People who have negative stereotypes about self-care often think of it as massages, masks, or buying gifts and treats. Sometimes self-care can take one of these forms. However, most of the time, self-care is exactly what it says on the label: going to the dentist, replacing worn-out running shoes that hurt your feet, spending the extra $2 on prepare a healthy lunch rather than eating instantly. ramen at your desk, or going to bed early rather than staying up all day watching Netflix.
2. Self-care is not about putting your own needs ahead of those of others.
Another negative stereotype about self-care is that it involves putting one’s own needs ahead of those of others. For example, an extra task needs to be done at work, you feel overloaded and say you can’t do it and leave it to one of your equally overworked colleagues.
In all likelihood, you have encountered someone who uses self-care as a reason for everyone around them to fit in and dictates the terms of shared activities to other members of a group or family, for example by saying: “I can’t come”. at your baby shower because it conflicts with my child’s nap time and we have to stick to our schedule.
Very occasionally, self-care may involve some type of inconvenience for someone else, but this is usually not the case. If the way you take care of yourself often ends up hindering or dictating to others, then it’s time to rethink that.
Try to think about self-care that benefits you and others, such as spending more time in nature with your children, resuming bedtime routines involving reading stories (to help everyone relax more easily) or create soul-nourishing family rituals like making homemade pizza together once a week or whatever strikes your fancy. If your desire to take care of yourself is that you you have to slow downthen other people can easily be part of it.
3. Self-care is not a list of behaviors; What constitutes self-care depends on the situation.
Earlier this week I needed to get a passport. I wanted to have a nice ID photo, but I also had to complete this task and cross it off my list, because I had already been trying to do it for three weeks. In this type of scenario, what would self-care be? It could be to say to myself: “A beautiful photo is important to me, I will take the time to take it at home to choose a good one”. Or, I might say to myself, “I just need to do this and cross it off my list, so I’m going to hit Costco and find any random guy who works at the photo office to do it.”
One of these choices is not inherently more self-care than the other, because self-care is often situational. It is also linked to balance. If it’s been months since you took the time to do something objectively unimportant, simply because it was important to you, then the most considerate choice will probably be to treat yourself to that experience. Other times, the mental freedom to remove a nagging task may be what you urgently need. Self-care is often about having the self-knowledge and psychological flexibility to make the best choice for you, which may be different at different times.
4. Taking care of yourself depends as much on your thinking as on your behaviors.
How you feel cared for will depend at least as much on your Talking to myself like whatever behaviors you do and don’t do. In particular, there is considerable research on the importance of self-compassion skills. Generally speaking, self-compassion is recognizing how you feel (whether hurt, nervous, embarrassed, etc.) and that these emotions are part of the universal human experience. You might feel guilt, shame or regret your past behaviors, but a compassionate person can recognize that everyone has experiences like that.
A person with good self-care skills will be able to recognize when they are feeling anxious in the process of pursuing a meaningful goal and will be able to explain to themselves how to move forward with these feelings of anxiety. anxiety rather than giving up. Likewise, having good self-care skills involves knowing how to detect when you are ruminating and using certain skills to free yourself from this as well as having the ability to notice if your perfectionism has shifted towards self-sabotage and the ability to gently move towards an alternative path.
5. Self-care isn’t just about doing solitary activities, it’s often about social activities.
One of the most rewarding things people can do for themselves is to seek human connection in response to stress rather than isolate themselves. This even applies to introverts.
Often people think that self-care is something they do in private, like sitting in their pajamas and applying Korean skincare or spending 20 minutes meditating. Even if you’re an introvert, reaching out to others when you’re stressed is a behavior that should be part of your repertoire.
Self-care often involves letting others into your inner world a little, checking in with important people you haven’t seen fairly recently, or seeing or talking to close friends you tend to hang out with. to communicate mainly via the Internet.
If your self-care is primarily something you do in private, try to think about more social forms of self-care that might be for you. This could be meeting up with a friend one-on-one that you only see in groups or in other settings that aren’t conducive to deeper conversations. Or it might be finding a sport that involves other people, so you can feel more of a sense of belonging to the communityrather than always exercising alone.
Sometimes Self-Care Alone Will Be Just What You Need recover from an overly stimulating day, but introverts and other people who value emotional autonomy shouldn’t overlook the benefits of social forms of self-care. If you crave connection but also need time away from others, connect with nature by keeping a plant on your desk and I watch it when you’re stressed can help reduce your stress hormones.
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If you adhere to a commercialized definition of self-care that is all about pampering yourself or one that is all about withdrawing from the world, you will neglect forms of self-care that are easily accessible and potentially very useful to you.
