You might think that Marie Kondo has become macabre, but, according to a happiness psychologist, “there is no person on earth who is not affected by this.”
The idea of preparing for…the death…probably doesn’t spark much joy in most of us. However, Katarina Blom claims to have found an untapped vehicle to joy and serenity in the “Swedish death cleanse.”
Blom is a happiness psychologist, mental well-being expert and co-host of The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning on the NBC streaming platform, Peacock (produced by Amy Poehler). Blom believes that preparing for death, including clearing clutter from your home (a practice the Swedes call “death cleaning”), is a powerful way to live a more fulfilled life.
Blom recently partnered with the National Funeral Directors Association to help promote the idea that more people should go through their belongings, organize them and evaluate what you should keep, sell or donate. Otherwise, one day, she says, someone else will have to do it for you.
“Death cleaning” is certainly a different take on the decluttering craze of recent years, but it’s also not that far removed from the popular Scandinavian principle of hygge: the philosophy that a rich, comfortable life resides in a more minimalist life. Blom says death cleansing comes from a slightly different philosophy with equally significant results.
The healthy @Reader’s Digest: First of all, why do you think the way you talk about death gets so much attention?
Katarina Blom: Well, I think it makes perfect sense, because as humans we hate pain and discomfort. Throughout our evolution, we have been gifted with risk aversion, which essentially means that we want to avoid anything that could pose a danger to us or inflict pain on someone else and that the death is really painful.
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The Healthy: You are a psychologist specializing in happiness. Why do you think the idea of happiness fits so naturally with death?
Katarina Blom: Without the death, there is no life. That’s the number one thing. And without disease, we cannot feel happy about being healthy. So we need the variety of emotions, we need the variety of life events to feel alive and to feel that we are learning and growing.
The Healthy: In addition to fearing death, we may also fear what we leave behind. What is death cleaning, for those who have never heard of it?
Katarina Blom: It’s really about making sure you surround yourself with things that have a here and now purpose for you. And that goal could be like, Oh it reminds me of my days in college or university and it gives me so many great memories of the people I connected with. But it should be there with intention, on purpose. You can have a maximalist house with lots of stuff, but if things are there on purpose, then that’s your version of death cleaning.
It is therefore not a question of being minimalist, but of thinking about Who am I, what is my life about? What do I want my house to be like for the last time I have left?
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The Healthy: At what point do you recommend someone embark on their own death cleansing project?
Katarina Blom: It’s so easy to think about death when you’re old, but I could die tomorrow. So it’s really an ongoing process. As there are changes in your life, you will need to do some housekeeping. At some point in our lives, more obvious changes occur. You move from one house to another, you get divorced, you meet someone new, you have children, maybe you (invite) a relative to live with you. So it’s in these moments that you really are a standing invitation to understand your home better. Otherwise, you’re never too young to start.
The Healthy: How does death cleansing differ from general cleansing organization what about decluttering?
Katarina Blom: It’s much more purpose-driven: your items should either be used by you or be meaningful to you. I think your home should really be a reflection of your current needs and also remind you that we’re not here forever – and do you really, really, really need this thing? Americans we met, it seems like you have so many duplicates of everything. Whereas in Sweden you just have simple white plates and maybe a Halloween themed napkin or something you can get rid of just to save space at home etc. So look for duplicates that aren’t really necessary.
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The Healthy: Is the goal to take a weight off your chest and not leave a lot of work for people when you die?
Katarina Blom: Death cleaning is really about fixing problems. It’s also about preserving your family heirloom by passing down items and sharing stories. Like my grandmother, she had posted little notes on important pieces of furniture on important family heirlooms: It will go to that person. This is something I found here.
The Healthy: Can you give us any other recommendations?
Katarina Blom: There are two classic boxes. The “just for me box” is anything you have in your house that won’t give much to anyone else, but gives you a lot. Once you’re dead, they know they can just throw that away because it was mostly important to you.
And then we have the “dilemma box”, which is of course we will find things where we would be like: Ah, should I give up or not? And then you write a date on the box, preferably a month in advance, and then you have to name what’s inside the box. And if you don’t remember it, then you probably don’t really need it.
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The Healthy: I have some of my grandmother’s bags but I can’t stand the thought of getting rid of them and feeling guilty, but maybe she would say, “Why do you still have my ugly purse?” I have no idea what made sense to her.
Katarina Blom: I think what you are saying here with the guilt is so common that we keep things and we don’t even know why.
The Healthy: I had two health emergencies as a new mom, and it was really important to me to tell my husband what to do with certain items for our kids. Since this happened, I always want to talk about my wishes for my death. But my husband just thinks, “You’re not dead. Are you doing well. We are not going to die. He doesn’t really want to talk about it.
So I’m curious, as a psychologist who talks about death, how do you recommend discussing these topics between people? Even spouses want to approach death differently!
Katarina Blom: Oh yeah, definitely. I think it’s important to respect that there are two very opposing needs in this conversation. And that’s very understandable because you’ve had two very different experiences with death, even though your husband had a close experience because he was afraid you would die. But still, it’s not the same. You’ve had different experiences and it’s natural that you want to approach things differently. It doesn’t have to be black or white. I think it’s really about having a nuanced conversation. People always like to be heard and validated.
So the best thing would be if you both can express your needs and validate each other. Maybe you should start validating him so he’s less afraid about this topic. You can say, “I don’t want to engage you in a conversation you don’t want to have, but at the same time, I need to make a plan for myself and for our children.” It is very important for me.
I think expressing your need, expressing your want, and also validating the other person, perhaps asking, “What does it mean to have this conversation?” Why is it so difficult? Why don’t you want to go there? I really want to understand this because it’s an important topic to me.
The Healthy: This is wonderful advice.
Katarina Blom: I just wish there were more people raising these kinds of issues because it affects everyone. There is no one on earth who is not affected by this.
