Transparency element: The Insights section of the chart is made up of opinion-based articles. This is the opinion and point of view of the writer.
“Grief is a love that has nowhere to go.”
I think this saying is true and can be a helpful way of putting it, but I also believe that heartbreak encompasses so much more than just love with nowhere to go.
We can define mourning as “deep sorrow, especially that is caused by the death of someone,” according to Oxford Dictionaries for Learners. Unfortunately, this is an experience that almost everyone will have several times in their life.
Grief forces us to consider our own mortality and reflect on how we have lived our lives up to this point. It disrupts the future we expected for ourselves and the people around us.
Grief is uncomfortable, it’s frustrating, it hurts, and once you’re there, it seems impossible to escape.
In my experience, grief is not something that suddenly disappears – unlike how it can arise – but it changes shape as we move away from the initial moment in which it occurred. product.
Besides processing the emotions themselves, which are difficult to define and look different for each person, people face several other difficult elements.
In my experience, some of the most common answers You’re hard on yourself, you lash out at others, you try to establish some sense of reality, or, if you’re watching your friend go through grief, you figure out what to do and say.
Grief is complicated. In the midst of grief, nothing seems normal.
The thoughts and actions one displays may seem inappropriate and illogical. Often people are in shock and try to overintellectualize the pain of losing someone, according to Suddenly, a grief coping site for those experiencing the sudden death of a loved one.
The desire to know the specific details surrounding the death of a loved one may seem misguided, but people often attempt to cope with loss by understanding every detail of the situation to try to make sense of something tragic.
Grief can feel like brain fog. It can feel like everything is going well, then one small, unrelated thing goes wrong and all of a sudden, feelings of helplessness appear.
Grief can feel like irrational anger toward people around you who don’t seem as affected. It can feel like an unrelenting weight on the chest.
This is all normal even if none of it seems normal. Be patient with the roller coaster of emotions.
I have found it helpful to be gentle in how I judge my emotions. Grief is just as physical as it is mental and emotional. It kept me busy in ways I never imagined.
Just as it is important to be patient with yourself, it is important to try to empathize with others who are also experiencing grief. Some people are poor communicators.
Others may suddenly need a lot of attention or reassurance. Some may ignore it completely and continue as if nothing happened, and some may stop functioning for a considerable period of time.
Grief is a time for empathy and compassion for others because people’s reactions are often involuntary.
In the wake of tragedy, one of the best ways to gain a sense of “normalcy” is to strive to maintain a routine, whether it’s the one you had before a loss or news. It could be as simple as waking up at the same time every day and taking a walk with a roommate or friend, returning to a normal class schedule, or calling a parent every Sunday morning.
Routines provide stability, which is crucial during times of intense grief, because they connect people to other areas of our lives and can give them a sense of control.
One skill that can often materialize during grief is learning to take care of yourself. This can be done by journaling to release emotions, having a calming playlist or album, or experiencing a comforting show and snack.
Learning to self-soothe is no consolation, but it teaches a person to know themselves.
If a friend is in the midst of grief, here are some tips:
Sometimes it’s as simple as asking what someone needs. Everyone reacts differently, and it’s impossible to anticipate exactly what someone wants in times of crisis.
- Pay attention to important dates or upcoming important events. It’s easy to set a reminder in Google Calendar to call or text someone on a regular basis or on a specific day that might be particularly difficult.
- Take your friend out to dinner or bring them a hot meal. It may sound like a cliché, but one of the first things people neglect when they’re grieving is taking care of themselves. Taking a task off a friend’s plate can relieve a lot of stress.
- An often overlooked effort is to simply sit down with a friend and listen. There is no need to know what to say. Many people find comfort in talking about their feelings to someone who is willing to listen.
As we slowly settle into the new reality without our friend or loved one, the next daunting task may be figuring out how to make that person feel close to us. In my experience, the best way to do this is to continue doing the activities you were doing with them.
Whether it’s watching a certain movie, hiking a specific hiking trail, or making that special drink you enjoyed with them. For a long time it seems painful, but gradually it turns into a ritual that can be relied on when the deceased person feels particularly far away.
Another painful but effective way to honor a deceased person is to continue talking about them, the things they enjoyed, and what they would think on a given topic. This can make that person feel part of the present even if they are not physically there.
One of the few areas of grief that is widely discussed is idea of the five stages of grief. This phrase may make it seem like emotions occur consecutively, but this is often not the case.
Unfortunately, when grieving, it’s usually best to expect the unexpected. No two experiences are the same and so there is no one method that will rid everyone of grief.
To anyone who is currently grieving, I offer my deepest condolences. Grief is a process of progress and regression.
Lean on those close to you, figure out how to create a sense of stability, and try to muster the strength to endure. Additionally, use the resources Pepperdine has to offer, such as The advice centerif professional help seems beneficial.
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Contact Fiona Creadon by email: fiona.creadon@pepperdine.edu or on Instagram: @Fiocreao
