Most people understand that bullying is inherently wrong and harmful, but many people don’t know what to look for or don’t feel empowered to discuss the topic with their children, whether due to their own discomfort, of their child or uncertainty about how to start.
The reality is that bullying can have both immediate and long-term dangerous consequences if not dealt with appropriately. Carmen Holley, LCSW, director of early childhood and community engagement at Lurie Children’s Center for Childhood Resilience, sheds light on the impact of bullying today and the role parents can play.
According to recent data from the Centers for Disease and Prevention (CDC), one in five students ages 12 to 18 reported being bullied at school. Signs parents should look for that their child might be being bullied include:
• Emotional changes such as increased anxiety or sadness.
• Some unexplained physical symptoms such as headaches and stomach aches.
• Changes in the child’s or adolescent’s social interactions.
• Avoidance of certain people, places or activities.
• Changes in academic performance or even a fear or reluctance to go to school.
When it comes to the motivation of a child who engages in bullying behavior, Holley says several factors can contribute.
“Some children learn this behavior by observing adults in their homes and other social environments,” she said. “In some cases, children who bully may have been victims of bullying or even physical abuse themselves. Some children may not be able to empathize with their peers or understand the impact of their behavior on others. “
In other cases, she says, a child may seek to assert power or control over another child or may experience peer pressure to behave in certain ways. Underlying challenges related to emotion regulation or impulse control also need to be considered.
The rise of social media also has a role to play in the prevalence and evolution of harassment in recent years. Due to the anonymous nature of social media, children are more vulnerable to harassment from people they do not know personally or from people who may hide behind Internet aliases.
“Cyberbullying has more than doubled in recent years, and it is unique in that it can be more difficult to detect and identify the perpetrator,” Holley said.
“We also need to consider the ongoing nature of cyberbullying. Once content is shared on social media, it can be accessible to many and difficult to remove.”
Whether a parent discovers their child is being bullied or they themselves are the bully, Holley recommends the same first line of defense: talking directly to the child.
For the child being bullied, Holley suggests parents ask them about the incident(s) and listen without judgment. She stresses the importance of getting as much information from the child as possible, such as how long the bullying has been going on and who is involved.
“Make sure your child knows it’s not their fault and that you’re there to help,” Holley said. “If the incident happens at school, report it and ask for an investigation.”
For parents whose child is engaging in bullying behavior, Holley notes that it is imperative to address it immediately and find out why they might feel compelled to act in this way.
“Talk to your child in a calm, supportive manner and express your concern. Help your child understand the consequences of their behavior, while clearly defining that this behavior is not acceptable,” Holley said. “Also explain the consequences if the behavior continues.”
Once behavioral expectations are set and implemented, providing children with lots of praise and positive feedback when they demonstrate behavioral changes will be very helpful. Additionally, discovering that your child is the bully is an important time to think about how your child might reflect your own actions or those of other adults in their life.
As the parent of a child who is not directly involved in bullying situations, Holley says it is still important to teach children to be allies with their friends and peers and to stand up to bullying. intimidation when they are able.
“We know that more than half of bullying situations stop when a peer intervenes,” she said.
That said, parents and guardians should avoid advocating violence or retaliation, as this could make the situation worse. Alternatively, teaching children how to get help right away and how to support the child being bullied will be more effective and safer. This might look like connecting with your child’s school to better understand the resources they have available to teach children about empathy, conflict resolution, and restoration.
“Schools also have a role to play in setting clear expectations and community agreements between all members of the school community and must ensure that they investigate incidents of bullying and prevent them from happening. are reproducing,” Holley said.
Bullying is never a temporary experience. It can have a profound and lasting impact on a person’s childhood and continue to impact their mental health into adulthood. Holley notes that victims of bullying are at increased risk of developing anxiety disorder and depression, and some may develop post-traumatic stress disorder.
Bullying can also impact self-perception and victims of bullying are also at much higher risk of self-harm or having suicidal thoughts.
How to get help
If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, go to the nearest emergency department or contact crisis resources such as the National Suicide and Crisis Hotline (text or call 988) or the crisis line via the Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386).
For more information and support about bullying, parents should connect with their child’s primary care provider, the school behavioral health team, or broader school community support networks, or visit these sites:
• www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Resource_Centers/Bullying_Resource_Center/Home.aspx (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry)
•www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/bullying (The National Childhood Traumatic Stress Network).
• Children’s health is an ongoing series. This week’s column was submitted by Lurie Children’s Hospital.
