I’ve made videos criticizing millennial and baby boomer parents

• I’m a therapist and I’ve made two videos criticizing millennial and baby boomer parents.
• Millennials were more open to suggestions, and boomers lashed out at me and others in the comments.
• Baby boomers seem emotionally repressed and therefore more prone to shame, which explains their outburst.

I am a dual licensed therapistand I make TikTok videos about relationships, trauma, and personal growth.

I recently watched a viral video where a millennial mom talked about her struggles. with his own parents. In the comments, instead of responding to him, many people said that millennial parents were harming their children by giving them access to screens.

I didn’t think the comments were wrong, but I thought those writing them were missing part of the picture – millennials abuse screens too. In response, I created a video saying that millennial parents’ screen time could affect their children’s attachment styles.

To my surprise, millennial parents responded with gratitude and pledged to use their screens less in front of their children.

I accidentally created a social experiment

Inspired by this topic of parent-child relationships, I decided to make a TikTok video about the importance of responsibility, this time aimed at baby boomer parents. This one struck a chord: angry comments from baby boomers poured in.

At the same time, adults came together as a community in the comments section, sharing painful stories of their baby boomer parents. show up for them emotionally. I was amazed at how millennials supported and stood up for each other.

But I didn’t want defensive and inappropriate comments from boomer parents to go unanswered. They were being inappropriate with me and others in the comments – attacking us and name-calling – so I knew I had to respond.

That’s when I realized I had accidentally created a social experiment. After giving both generations of parents feedback on their parenting, millennials responded with warmth and open-mindedness, while most baby boomer parents responded with coldness and closed-mindedness.

I didn’t mind the hateful comments, but I was worried about the parents’ adult children.

I know from my work that defense strategies in relationships tend to be universal, meaning that if you lash out at me when I trigger you, you’ll likely lash out at those closest to you in the same way. . This is called a coping style. I wanted to show baby boomers how these coping styles ultimately harmed their relationships and could lead to estrangement from their adult children.

I didn’t mind when viewers spoke rudely to me. However, I know that if they said those kinds of things to their children, it would probably cause them a lot of harm, no matter how old their children are.

Baby boomers are often emotionally closed off, but it’s never too late to change that

This inspired me to make a third TikTok video. I wanted baby boomer parents to see the cycle of disconnection: When they feel like a bad parent, they disconnect from their child through defensiveness, dismissals, and attacks. But this isn’t just a baby boomer problem: any parent, regardless of generation, can find themselves caught in this cycle. I think baby boomer parents are particularly vulnerable because, as a generation, they are more emotionally repressed.

History shows us that when baby boomers were growing up, mental health and the treatment of mental illness were taboo subjects. As a result, baby boomers often had to deal with mental health issues and trauma without the resources and support they needed. It is therefore understandable that they have difficulty expressing their emotions and are vulnerable.

This is made even more difficult by research that revealed Repressing your emotions can make you more prone to shame. Shame is the enemy of connection: it prevents our hearts from empathizing and prevents our minds from considering someone else’s point of view.

I never want a parent’s heart to be closed to their child. I want parents and adult children to know that it is possible to change relationships, even after many years. I know boomer parents can show up for their children in ways that their children need, but to do so they need the help and support they never received.

For adult children who long for connection, continue to support each other and break the cycle.