Would you say you are looking for love?
Do you only feel fulfilled after someone comments on your appearance or after your partner texts you to tell you they love you?
Chances are, if this hits close to home for you, your self-esteem is a little too dependent on external validation.
This addiction can seem confusing and destabilizing to those who draw their self-esteem from within. But it is important to understand that everyone’s self-esteem is built differently.
Let’s look at this topic and highlight 9 signs that your self-esteem depends on the approval of others.
1) Constant search for validation
Have you ever noticed that you need a nudge (or even a nod – I beg you!) from others before you feel good about any of your actions or decisions?
Well, this could be a first clear sign of use of external validation.
People whose self-esteem depends on the approval of others often find themselves in a cycle of constantly seeking validation. They may feel a sense of unease or incompleteness without receiving positive feedback from those around them.
Whether it’s asking for opinions on an outfit, demanding affirmation for work tasks, or constantly needing reassurance in relationships, this constant search for validation can be exhausting.
We all have our unique emotional needs and our ways of dealing with them, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
However, recognizing this pattern is the first step toward understanding and potentially changing this aspect of your self-esteem so that you can don’t do it need someone else’s green light before living your own life.
2) Overthinking the slightest negative comment
For those whose self-esteem is tied to the approval of others, any form of criticism can be seen as a direct attack on their self-esteem.
It’s not just about feeling upset or disappointed; it becomes an internal narrative that they are not good enough.
A quick comment about speaking too softly, finishing something late, or a joke gone wrong can leave you awake and shaken for nights on end.
If you tend to overthink negative comments and let them affect your self-esteem, you’re not alone. Recognizing this tendency is a crucial step toward building healthier self-esteem.
3) Paralyzing fear of mistakes
Feeling so terrified of rejection or the possibility of something going wrong can indicate a dependence on the outside world and the validation that brings.
People who fear of making mistakes they often worry excessively about disappointing others or being judged. They may refrain from trying new things or taking risks for fear of not doing them perfectly.
Rather than seeing mistakes as a natural part of learning and growth, they view them as personal failures or flaws.
This fear can seriously limit personal development and experiences, making it difficult to leave one’s comfort zone or seize new opportunities.
If you find yourself constantly worrying about mistakes and how others will perceive you, it’s essential to realize that everyone makes mistakes – they are a part of life and essential to personal growth.
4) Crazy about social media
In today’s digital age, many of us are deeply connected to social media. Some earn all their financial income from it or met their life partner there, or use it to stay in touch with their best friends.
However, for those whose self-esteem depends on the approval of others, social media platforms can become a virtual stage for validation, on which they act like paid money.
Excessive time spent on social media, tracking likes, shares and comments can be an indication of this addiction. It is common to equate the number of likes or followers with a personal value.
Did you know that researchers have found a link between high levels of activity on Facebook and the need for social validation? It is a global phenomenon that affects millions of users around the world.
If you’re obsessively catching social media in search of “virtual applause,” it may be time to reevaluate how these platforms are affecting your self-esteem and consider setting boundaries for healthier use .
5) Struggles with self-esteem
This one is a little harder to tackle, but it’s important to address. Struggling with self-esteem can be a strong indicator that your self-esteem depends heavily on the approval of others.
Those who suffer from this addiction often have difficulty celebrating their own achievements without external validation, and they may have difficulty recognizing their own worth.
They tend to focus on pleasing others and meeting their expectations rather than their own self-esteem and appreciation.
If you’re constantly looking to assert yourself outwardly, remember that it’s okay to take a step back and focus on self-love first. You are worthy and valuable, not because of what others think of you, but because of who you are.
Remember that self-esteem comes from within. And you have every right to love and appreciate yourself, just as you are.
6) Difficulty saying “no”
Do you have trouble asserting your boundaries and saying “no” to others?
This could indicate that your self-esteem is tied to their approval.
People struggling with this problem often prioritize the needs and desires of others above their own, fearing that saying “no” could lead to rejection or disappointment.
They may overcommit or overextend themselves, trying to please everyone around them at the expense of their own well-being.
If you find yourself constantly accommodating others and neglecting your own needs, it is important to remember that it’s okay to say “no”. Setting boundaries is a healthy practice and a crucial aspect of self-care. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
7) Too many excuses
Do you find yourself constantly saying “Sorry,” even when it’s not necessary?
This is a great sign that you are willing to go out of your way to please, and even bear the burden of other people’s actions to try to appease them.
People who are too many excuses often fear that their actions or words might upset others and, therefore, they apologize to maintain harmony and avoid potential conflict.
It stems from the desire to keep everyone around them happy and comfortable, even if it means taking responsibility for things they are not responsible for.
If you notice this habit in yourself, remember that while apologizing when needed is a sign of empathy and respect, unnecessary apologies can decrease your self-confidence.
Stay firm in your beliefs and actions and remember that it’s okay to express your thoughts without always having to apologize.
8) High levels of anxiety
Anxiety can often accompany those whose self-esteem depends on the approval of others.
Constant worry about not meeting others’ expectations, fear of rejection, or fear of making mistakes can all add up to some pretty impressive levels of anxiety.
All of this can manifest in a variety of ways, such as difficulty sleeping, restlessness, or even panic attacks.
If you experience high levels of anxiety due to your need for approval from others, it may be a good idea to seek professional help.
It’s unfortunate, but the more anxious you are, the less you sleep, the more anxious you are, the more panicked you feel. A bit like an endless cycle that you often need a helping hand to get out of.
There are many strategies and therapies available that can help deal with these feelings and improve self-esteem, recognizing the need to change as the courageous first step necessary to confront it.
9) Difficulty accepting compliments
You can double-tap and respond to every Instagram comment telling you you look great, but in person you’ll run a mile if someone even starts uttering a compliment out loud.
This is a common trait among people whose self-esteem depends on the approval of others. They tend to undervalue their accomplishments and have difficulty accepting compliments graciously.
A simple compliment can make them feel uncomfortable or undeserved, make them blush and stutter, and say, “No, you must be lying, I look terrible today!” »
The journey to accepting compliments is a challenge for many.
But with time, we can also learn to accept them for what they are: recognition of your efforts, your achievements and everything that people appreciate about you.
Looks familiar?
In conclusion, the use of external validation, although a common aspect of different self-esteem structures, requires recognition and understanding.
If you resonate with any of the 9 signs discussed above, it is essential to recognize that self-esteem is multifaceted and that everyone’s journey toward building strong self-esteem is unique. . Your difficulties don’t isolate you as much as you might think.
However, embrace self-love, setting boundaries and overcoming anxiety are crucial steps in detaching yourself from other people’s approval – which I promise you don’t need to survive.
Remember that the path to healthier self-esteem is gradual; marked by self-discovery and acceptance. Take it easy and enjoy the journey.
