If someone lacks food and water, we know their body will suffer. But what about when they lack a sense of belonging and connectedness? Or maybe they have a strong support network, but lack self-esteem? It’s common to view these types of needs as inconsequential, either out of our control or not worthy of our attention. After all, we can continue to carry out our daily responsibilities even without connection or self-respect, right?
Not really. We now know that deficiencies in these areas create real deficiencies in our overall well-being and that our quality of life is just as important to our health as diet and exercise.
Self-care has become a popular topic and rightly so, as we begin to better understand the longevity of our bodies and minds, as it is directly linked to our intentional choices around health and wellness. But this concept is not new. American psychologist Abraham Maslow was considered a pioneer in the 1950s for understanding that people’s needs went beyond basic physiology, although he emphasized that these fundamentals provided the basis for reaching any other level of existence beyond simple survival.
Most people are familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which describes the building blocks of self-actualization, or “full humanity,” as Maslow called it. It makes sense that before someone can truly feel a high level of self-esteem, they must first feel a sense of love and belonging to others, but to feel love and belonging belonging, he must experience security, and before that, he must not be hungry or physically malnourished. And our progress in this progression towards meeting our needs is not concrete. It is fluid as the circumstances of our life come and go and we must move up and down the ladder towards self-realization.
This can sometimes be an uncomfortable way to think about our journey through life. Once we resolve something, we like to leave it behind. Once we achieve a goal, we like to maintain the accomplishment. But life circumstances are not guaranteed and many things are beyond our control. It’s helpful to maintain flexibility with our growth and give ourselves space to move back and forward, as needed. Going back doesn’t necessarily mean that progress is lost, just that there is something we need to go back, address, satisfy, and then we can move forward again.
Maslow divided our types of needs into two categories:
D-Needs (D for Deficit) are needs that we are motivated to satisfy because without them we feel a kind of nostalgia. Any need below self-actualization in the hierarchy is considered a D need. Without food we are hungry, without shelter, we feel unsafe, without love and belonging, we lack intimacy and friendship, without autonomy, we lack self-confidence. Our need for security, love, belonging, and self-esteem affects us in the same way as the need for physical sustenance like food, water, and sleep.
Needs B (B for Being) are the high-level needs that we are motivated to satisfy once all of our basic needs are met. These are the ultimate experiences that give us meaning and purpose. It’s what we are able to do with our strengths, how we can contribute to others, once our needs have been sufficiently met and we feel more “whole”.
Being able to differentiate our lives between simply “surviving” and “thriving” is what allows us to experience meaningful moments like leadership in a career, deep interpersonal relationships, or making a purposeful impact within our community. It’s difficult to do these things if your basic needs aren’t met first. But once you are able to glimpse what this type of growth looks like, you become more inclined to organize your life around having more of these experiences.
But it’s not something that just happens. We must first identify the needs that must be met before we can experience this type of affirmative growth. Where are we lacking in nutrition for the mind or soul, in addition to the body?
Taking care of yourself is so much more than just being kind to yourself. It’s so much more than a day at the spa or a day at work. It is an ongoing process of identifying our needs, recognizing those needs as credible areas that deserve our attention, and working to meet them so that we can experience true wholeness in our lives.
