Key takeaways
- Self-care is a very popular concept, often presented as the solution to many psychological problems.
- Yet when used without consideration of the consequences, such as financial or emotional, it can sometimes be harmful.
- Trusting your instincts is an important part of choosing which self-care paths to take.
As a society, we have collectively become obsessed with the idea of self-care. On TikTok, “#Selfcare” has 28.2 billion viewswhile the hashtag can be found more 66 million Instagram posts.
On the surface, this makes perfect sense. Who wouldn’t love the idea of feeling better and taking care of their mind, body and soul? Yet the broad scope of self-care as a concept and action is much more multifaceted.
This can undoubtedly be positive, but we must be careful not to view self-care as a panacea for our mental health problems. This is where tough love comes in. Taking care of yourself without being aware of your specific needs, and the future repercussions can have emotional, financial, mental and physical consequences.
“We are constantly encouraged to take care of ourselves, and that comes in the form of massages, lotions, candles, vacations, and extravagant purchases,” says Saba Harouni LurieLMFT, ATR-BC, owner and founder of Take Root Therapy.
Lurie continues: “Taking care of ourselves at all costs can be harmful because it can cause us to make choices that might not benefit us in the long run. Taking breaks and taking care of yourself is essential, but neglecting your responsibilities or making purchases you can’t afford can cause more stress and create additional problems.
Taking care of yourself won’t solve all your problems
Lurie highlights the widely held suggestion that self-care will heal us, no matter what problem we are facing, as an extremely dangerous fallacy that ignores external systems that can cause poor mental health.
Instead of examining how society, government, and medical systems should help, self-care leaves the responsibility for change entirely on the individual. “It highlights the idea that everyone is entirely responsible for their own mental health and that if they’re struggling, it’s because they need to buy another designer candle or go on an extravagant vacation. When our systems fail, the person struggling becomes the problem rather than their context and our society,” adds Lurie.
Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, ATR-BC
We’re constantly encouraged to take care of ourselves, and that comes in the form of massages, lotions, candles, vacations, and extravagant purchases.
— Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, ATR-BC
This is not to say that self-care is a completely misleading and harmful idea. No, on the contrary, taking care of yourself can undoubtedly be beneficial. However, it is essential that it is not considered the ultimate solution or pursued without consistent evaluation.
According to Dr Zishan Khana psychiatrist with Mental Path HealthSelf-care can lead a person to feel overwhelmed or burned out when they receive a sea of advice, doled out everywhere from podcasts to self-help books.
Another danger can arise when self-care actions reach the level of obsession or even addictionwarns Dr. Mélissa BoudinMA, psychologist and clinical director of Choosing a therapy. “When you spend a lot of time thinking about or practicing a certain self-care behavior, to the point that it negatively impacts your relationships, work, or home life, it may be a sign that self-care is no longer beneficial. “It’s dangerous,” she says, using the example of self-care by eating healthy or exercising, then focusing on it constantly or going so far as to develop an eating disorder .
Khan further highlights the danger of unregulated, body-focused self-care advice, such as that provided by influencers. “Their content often focuses on beauty and improving appearance. This may inadvertently lead to body image issues and thus worsen mental health,” she says. “Fitness goals should be achievable and realistic, and physical activities should result in an improvement in our self-esteem. »
Zishan Khan, MD
Self-care can only benefit a person if it is consistent with their goals and values.
— Zishan Khan, MD
Your instincts are key in the above case and when presented with self-care suggestions. In many cases, you know if something is going to upset you further or cause long-term repercussions. “Don’t let what others suggest cloud your inner voice and always lean on those you know personally and feel comfortable with rather than strangers who don’t understand you as an individual” , explains Khan. “Self-care can only benefit a person if it is consistent with their goals and values. »
To this end, Lena Suarez-Angelino, MSW, a licensed clinical social worker with her own online practice, recommends creating a list of activities that make you feel better without overwhelming yourself. Meaningful and beneficial self-care can include anything from spending time with loved ones to making crafts, anything that makes you feel good. So no, if you can’t really afford to buy dinner for the fifth time this week, this isn’t it.
Either way, self-care is about finding yourself where you are, but also knowing when it’s time to seek additional help. Khan, Lurie, and Boudin all emphasized that self-care can alleviate negative symptoms, but cannot replace clinical help for an ongoing mental health problem.
What this means for you
Self-care can be beneficial when used correctly and with boundaries in place. However, it is essential not to use this as the only strategy for mental well-being. Self-care is only part of the mental health puzzle, and it’s important to be aware of its limits.
