Finding a therapist or psychiatrist can be difficult. Sometimes it comes down to trial and error to see who you mix with and who has the style you’re looking for. Fear not, however, as there is no need to take multiple sessions to determine if someone is right for you and your goals. Thanks to my friend — who also happens to be a licensed child psychiatrist — I have a list of questions you can ask on your first date to see if you should consider continuing the relationship. I also have some of my 10 years of therapy experience to share with you so you can learn from my mistakes.
First tip: know the why and the what?
Before we get to the questions, the first piece of advice I’ll give you is to go into the first meeting with notes explaining why you’re going in the first place. What do you experience on a daily basis and what concerns do you have that led you to seek therapy? If you can have someone like your spouse, close friend, or relative with you the first time to give their perspective on the situation, that can also help. Make sure it is someone you trust with information you would typically share in a therapeutic setting.
It’s also a good idea to have in mind the goals you want to achieve in therapy so you can see the end from the beginning. Don’t worry about them being SMART goals For now, just have an idea of what you want to accomplish before you graduate from therapy.
For example:
- Do you want to build your self-esteem?
- Overcoming a mental obstacle?
- Take control of your mental health in a way you can’t do alone?
- Determine your personal relationships or lack thereof?
If you don’t have a goal and need help understanding what’s going on and how to fix it, that’s no problem either. Sometimes not knowing is a goal in itself and is categorized as “I’m trying to figure out why I feel this way.”
Write this information down or put it in your phone so you can easily read it during your appointment. Sometimes you can provide this information in advance to your therapist, and other times you have to wait until you are at the appointment.
Second tip: set limits
In my first session with one of my therapists, I set a limit on what I was and wasn’t willing to talk about. I had experienced some of the same issues with previous therapists and had talked too much about certain things. The problem is, if I brought them up, I took the gloves off until I felt uncomfortable or wanted to change the subject for the moment.
If the topic of the conversation doesn’t seem to be helping you achieve your goals, don’t hesitate to change the subject to something that you find helpful or ask, “How is this conversation getting me closer to my end goal?” » Remember: this is your time. Make sure you get what you need from it.
Questions to ask your therapist
During your appointment, be sure to ask these questions to determine if the therapist has the style and experience you are looking for. Not every therapist is right for every person or situation, and that’s okay.
- What methods do they specialize in (CBT, DBT, EFT, etc.) and what do they usually start with?
- What are their strengths as a therapist?
- Do they give homework? (Some patients like it, others don’t.)
- How available are they if you have a question or concern that arises between appointments?
- Do they think medication would be beneficial and, if so, do they have a doctor they can refer you to? (More on that in a minute.)
A note on homework. Personally, I find it beneficial to have something to work on between appointments, but that’s because it’s part of my goals. For example, one week my assignment was to plan my day five days a week the following week. Another goal was to use the DBT skill”wise mind» when my anxiety arose. (Note: When I named the emotional mind “Anakin”, the logical mind “Spock”, and the wise mind “Master Yoda” and my therapist laughed, I knew I had the right person for m ‘help.)
I also like worksheets to accompany my therapy or books to learn more about how to help me or give me insight.
While MD is a personal preference, let me tell you why it’s mine. First, a doctor has more training. Second, I was seen by non-doctor professionals and by a doctor, and had a much better experience with the doctor. Additionally, when dealing with minors, this additional training comes in handy.
At the end of the appointment, ask them what they are thinking about in terms of diagnosis(es). (Sometimes there’s more than one.) And finally, ask about their cancellation policy. It’s not uncommon for doctors or therapists, in general, to charge for cancellation several hours before an appointment, and you don’t want that added anxiety if you tend to have to reschedule at the last minute.
What if you want to move on?
Finding the right therapist can be difficult, even if you ask the right questions and do everything right. Sometimes a therapist might not be a good fit for you, and that’s okay. Remember, therapists are professionals and their job is to help you. If they don’t provide you with the support you need, you can look for someone else.
Leaving a therapist can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that you don’t owe them an explanation. You can either call them and let them know you won’t be coming back, or you can just stop making an appointment.
Ultimately it’s your time
Ultimately, remember that this is the time to take care of yourself. (Yes, therapy is about self-care and maintenance.) You’re the one who leaves your job, school, or family to seek professional help. It makes sense that you are the person this should benefit from.
Regardless of how you approach finding a therapist, I applaud you for taking the step toward healthier mental health. Going to therapy isn’t easy for some people, and I hope having questions ready so you don’t waste sessions and money trying to find the right person will help you on this journey.
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