One way to build emotional closeness: normalize caring for your friends, family, and community. It could look like both help others– by offering, for example, to feed a neighbor’s cat while they are away for the weekend, or by running errands for a depressed friend – and by agreeing to help yourself. Dr. Lakshmin says that in his private psychiatry practice, the latter problem is one that most of his patients deal with.
If you’re going through a difficult time, start by challenging yourself to say “yes” and accept a few offers of help that you wouldn’t normally do (for example, a neighbor offering to take your kids to the park with hers). when you have a migraine, or a colleague who covers for you for a few hours so you can go to a doctor’s appointment) and see how you feel. “When you accept support, you can see how genuinely willing people are to help you,” says Dr. Zhao. “It might make you rethink your hesitation in reaching out to others.”
5. Try the “ring of reciprocity.”
Do you want to build a culture of asking for help? When you are with a group of people – in a work setting, with friends, with a team of volunteers – consider suggesting this activity created by Dr. Baker: go around in a circle and ask everyone to ask for something they needs, at work. or life. It could be something small, like an extra pair of hands on a project, or something bigger, like help finding a new gynecologist.
It’s called a reciprocity ring, says Dr. Baker, and it can normalize the act of asking for help because everyone participates. And in addition to setting a supportive tone, activity often results in instant help in the form of connections, emotional support, resources, or more, he adds.
6. Be curious about rejection.
Okay, here’s the truth: Sometimes people tell you they just can’t help you. It happens. That’s life. The key is to learn something from “no” instead of taking things personally, according to Dr. Baker.
“Treat rejection as information and be curious about the reason,” he suggests. Maybe the timing was bad or maybe they don’t have the resources (or answers or tools) to help you. Reflection can help you make future requests (perhaps you realize that you need to give people a little more time to plan your help, or that you should think more about WHO ask before contacting us) or even modify your request. For example, your editor friend may not have time to proofread your website, but they may know someone who could.
7. Consider talking to a therapist.
Have you ever felt like you know you need help, but you just don’t know…what that might look like? Have you ever burst into tears when you *think* about asking for help, or when someone asks you what you need?
Here are some indicators that you might benefit from professional mental health support, says Dr. Lakshmin. “Basically, these signs mean that the parts of your brain that feel all the feelings are overworked,” she explains. “You can’t access your prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain that will allow you to delegate and think logically about what you need.”
Working with a therapist can help you unpack your emotions in a safe space, determine your needs, and develop an action plan to address them. (Here are SELF’s best tips for find a really affordable one.)
However you hone your help-me skills, it’s a worthwhile pursuit, for everyone involved. “The person who is asked for help also gets a huge benefit from their position,” says Dr. Lakshmin. “They strengthen social bonds and can feel generous. Asking for help is very generative for both parties.
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