Parents have many difficult conversations with their children. They provide facts and answer questions about complex topics such as drugs, alcohol, sex and puberty.
But when it comes to broaching the tricky topic of weight, the discussion can seem more intimidating. Talking about your child’s weight is often linked to their self-image — and it’s no secret that nurturing a positive self-image in children and teens can be tricky.
Talking to your children about weight has become more and more important. Over the past 30 years, obesity doubled among children and tripled among adolescents in the United States. Chances are your child or teen has thought about their weight, comparing themselves to what they see on TV and social media, or witnessing how their peers treat overweight people.
It may only be a matter of time before your child asks you questions or concerns about their weight. Your child’s primary care provider can also introduce the topic if there are concerns about your child’s health. body mass index (BMI), which measures weight relative to height. Regardless, it’s a good idea to prepare for a discussion about weight.
If you think a conversation about weight will happen in the near future – or just want to prepare yourself – keep these tips in mind:
Create a secure space
It is essential that children know that they have someone who will listen to them without judgment. Establishing an environment where they feel comfortable sharing makes any discussion easier.
It’s probably harder for your child than for you to talk about weight. They may already be victims of negative weight-related messages and bullying. Ask open-ended questions that encourage your child to share, such as:
- Is something bothering you?
- How is it going at school?
- How do you feel about your weight?
Listen carefully and thank your child for trusting you with their feelings. Let them know that they’re not alone if they’re thinking about their weight: everyone, including their parents, thinks about it at some point.
Stay positive
Children and adolescents often hear more negative than positive messages about weight. A positive approach can make your child feel comfortable and open to discussion.
Remind your child that the number on the scale does not represent who they are: it is simply a physical challenge they must complete. When talking about weight, use person-centered language, such as “people who live with weight problems” instead of “people who are overweight.” Avoid all negative comments about other people’s bodies, even your own.
If your child says something negative about their body, try to find out what’s behind it by asking the following questions:
- Why do you feel this?
- Has anyone said anything to you about this?
You may find that your child’s weight concerns have less to do with their actual weight and more to do with bullying. If this is the case, you will need to approach the situation differently.
Focus on improving their health, not their appearance
It’s natural for children to associate weight with appearance. They don’t yet realize that weight has more to do with a healthy body than with appearance.
To put things in perspective, explain that carrying extra weight means the body has to work harder – and that extra work can prevent a person from feeling their best. Emphasize the benefits of exercise and a healthy diet for weight loss and increased energy, good mental health and healthy skin.
Make a plan to get healthier
Once your child is ready to make healthy lifestyle changes, work together to develop strategies to “get healthier.” Keep goals small and detailed so your child can succeed. For example, if your child enjoys dessert, don’t just take it away or suggest they “eat a healthy dessert” (which may be too vague). Instead, plan to eat fruit for dessert.
Other strategies to consider:
- Choosing a new sport to try can increase physical activity.
- Eating meals with family helps children control portions and engage in conversation while eating.
- Plan weekly outdoor activities for the family gets your child moving and limits screen time.
- Choosing healthy foods and recipes together keeps your child interested and invested in the foods they eat.
- Set meal and snack times reduces the time your child can “graze”.
Consult the pediatrician about your child’s weight
Your child may feel more comfortable discussing their weight (and their feelings) with you. But that doesn’t mean your child’s pediatrician shouldn’t be involved.
One of the biggest challenges when talking about a child’s weight is knowing what is “normal” for their age, gender and height. Engage the pediatrician to understand if there is any cause for concern. They can also offer healthy lifestyle suggestions and connect you with other resources, such as nutritionists or mental health professionals.