Bula Fiji! Thank you for taking the time to read Bula Vakasaama, a column dedicated to enlightening readers on practical strategies for optimal mental health and mental well-being.
Today’s topic can be seen from several angles, based on our personal lived experiences.
Kerekere, the traditional customary loanword of the Fijians, is considered a blessing to some and a nuisance to others.
Kerekere left kaput
It’s difficult to go back in time to determine exactly when this harmonious and economically sustainable custom of requesting goods and services from a parent or relative disappeared, but what we can say with certainty is that it is what happened.
Today, kerekere is a practice that can create more negative experiences than positive ones.
What was once a practice focused on gratitude, duty, honor, service and a deep respect for life or bula vakavanua, has sadly been reduced to being synonymous with begging, corruption and toxic addiction.
Understanding the essence of kerekere
It is important to understand the soul of the word kerekere and why it was once an act of mercy, blessing and charity.
An act that supported the overall well-being of a family unit or an entire koro. Essentially, the early practice of kerekere was based on collaboration where a family’s needs were resolved by many helping hands.
Even if the need belonged to a single individual in the family, it would be presented to caregivers collectively by the tightly knit family unit.
We never felt guilty about asking for help or asking for the goods or services we needed. And in the same way, parents and family members would collaboratively solve the needs of the family.
This practice involved mindfulness, compassion, and awareness of God’s mercy and abundant blessings that were there for all to enjoy equally, not just some.
But today, kerekere is a practice that creates loneliness, isolation, shame, guilt and resentment. There is virtually no collaboration and, often, there is no demonstration of care, compassion, or recognition of God’s abundant divine blessings. The needy feel like a burden.
Sometimes, conversely, the one in need demonstrates negative behaviors by feeling entitled and begins to demand things in the name of family loyalty.
In both cases, the people involved experience anger, frustration, bitterness, resentment and eventually lose all respect for each other.
What was once a beautiful practice of making everyone feel safe and cared for is now a feared practice of dishonesty and disrespect.
How to kerekere with kindness and care
Perhaps the Shakespearean advice, neither borrower nor lender, is ultimately about respect and integrity.
It’s no shame to be in need. Everyone experiences their unique journey in life when it comes to wealth and prosperity.
The world is designed so that some people enjoy more privileges and better access to education, housing, employment, leisure activities, and the means to accumulate wealth.
If we are to return to the way kerekere was originally practiced – in a painstaking, caring, caring and compassionate manner – then the first thing to recognize and overcome would be the sheer selfishness of the practice of monopolizing wealth and resources by some rich. those who cause the rest of their brothers, sisters and children to experience poverty, lack, discord and imbalance of purchasing power.
Being a caregiver requires a lot of self-reflection and personal growth, so as a caregiver, one does not feel in a position of power or authority, but rather sees the act of helping as an opportunity to practice mindfulness, compassion and kindness. , and love.
Here are some strategies to help you in this practice:
- Having a savings account is wonderful, but what’s even better is having a separate account or safe deposit box where you keep a “pension fund” so you’re ready for when times where a family member asks you for financial help. ;
- When asked for financial help, take the time to sit down with the person, and I mean physically sit down with them, instead of over text or phone”;
- Allow the person to speak freely and express their concerns. Don’t interrupt or say words that might indicate you’re judging them or shaming them in any way. Simply listen with the intention of understanding;
- Once the person has finished speaking, thank them for trusting you. This is an important step that ensures that you and your loved one/family member feel safe. This step is above all a question of integrity; And
- The next step is to tell the person that you have heard and understood their concerns and that you will now take time to pray and think about how you can help them. This step ensures that you do not react but respond. If the person becomes angry or irritated by your response, remind them that kerekere is not a right but a way to help effectively. It is best to take the time to plan everything properly so that no one suffers oppression or injustice. Calm them down by telling them that you are their friend and family and that you care. Don’t react to their frustration by being angry or violent yourself. Maintain your composure so that, through your calm, the other person can also calm down;
- Involve trusted family members to practice as a community the act of gathering the appropriate resources needed to help the person in need;
- Evaluate the nature of the need and discuss as a family whether it is a real need or whether it will enable a destructive habit such as an addiction or other fraudulent behavior. Giving thoughtlessly in the name of kerekere can sometimes result in further harm to a person who is misusing money to fund their addiction or a fraudulent act; And
- Donate only when you can afford it.
• PRINCESS R LAKSHMAN is a counselor, clinical nutritionist, writer, narrative therapist and certified life coach. She is passionate about mental wellness and an advocate for kindness and self-care. She lives in Sydney and will soon be opening wellness centers in Fiji to offer free mental health counseling and workshops exclusively to Fiji residents. The opinions expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this journal. She can be contacted at info@princesslakshman.com
