When you hear the term “love addiction,” you may think of a storybook character who swallows a pink, sparkly love potion and suddenly finds himself instantly in love with someone.
In most cases, the spell or potion does not last long, and these folk tales leave us with a warning message: love, in excess, can become harmful. Rather than letting yourself be consumed, it is better to fight for a healthy and balanced relationship where love is reciprocal.
In real life, we navigate love in different ways as we continue dating appsmanaging the chances of to be a ghost or dodge love bombs. But can a passion for someone else really become addictive? Although there is no definitive research on this topic, psychologists point out that love – or the pursuit of love – can be the root cause of other problems like anxiety, depression and unhealthy relationships. .
In other words, if you feel like love can make you obsessive, you’re not alone. Love in real life can be a complicated thing – and it’s never as simple as waiting for the love potion to wear off.
Gina Gerardo, PhD, postdoctoral fellow in psychology, talks to us about “love addiction” and how you can strengthen your relationship with love.
What is love addiction?
There is no precise definition of love addiction because it is not a real condition but rather an abstract concept. After all, you can’t really test love in a laboratory and see how someone reacts.
But as some research has explored, you can notice how relationships affect our lives, both physically and mentally. A 2023 report described love addiction—sometimes called relationship addiction or obsessive love disorder—as an irresistible, compulsive desire for love, attention, and affection from others.
This may look like developing unhealthy or extreme feelings toward specific people, or constantly seeking romantic partners.
Although love addiction is not an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)Dr. Gerardo points out that the term can help define some relationship or emotional issues you might be experiencing.
“If someone finds that love is becoming particularly painful or disruptive in their life, it’s worth asking for more and possibly treating it,” she explains. This means that while you may never get a love addiction diagnosis, you can treat associated behaviors.
In fact, love addiction doesn’t always result in the behaviors typically associated with addiction. It can also be accompanied by a mood disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder or even an impulse control disorder.
Signs and symptoms of love addiction
If you are a fan of love songs and romance novels, you may have an idea in mind of the symptoms of love addiction: feeling empty when the person is not around, having to be in constant contact with her, having an overwhelming physical reaction when the person is in the room.
And, according to current research, it’s not that far away.
“One distinction from other types of addictions is that there is a love object,” says Dr. Gerardo. “Unlike a substance that people feel addicted to or are addicted to, it would be an object, whether it’s a person or something else, that they start to become obsessed with.”
For example, a Study 2023 examined how romantic dependence and unhealthy attachments between adults can lead to intense negative emotions and feelings of low self-esteem.
Another 2010 study study found similarities between extreme passion and substance addiction – from feelings of euphoria near the love object to negative mood and sleep disturbances when separated.
Symptoms of love addiction may include:
- Obsessive thoughts. Feeling constantly preoccupied with thoughts of love and romance or the object of your affection. It becomes obsessive when it’s difficult to focus on other aspects of your life.
- Fear of abandonment. An intense fear of being alone or abandoned, leading to attachment behavior and a constant need for reassurance. You may also experience a sort of “withdrawal” or intrusive thoughts when your significant other is not around.
- Unhealthy relationship patterns. Repeating cycles of intense, short-lived relationships or staying in toxic relationships despite obvious red flags.
- Neglecting self-care. Prioritizing the partner’s needs and desires over personal well-being and neglecting your own goals, interests and needs.
- Emotional disorder. Experiencing ups and downs depending on the current relationship status. “You might feel a sense of euphoria beyond what you normally experience in romantic relationships,” says Dr. Gerardo.
How Love Addiction Affects Your Well-Being
When it comes to matters of the heart, it can be difficult to recognize when the love in your life is doing more harm than good.
While the symptoms of love addiction can integrate with other mental health disorders, they can also amplify existing problems. Some mental health issues associated with love addiction include:
Dr. Gerardo also warns about love addiction affecting your everyday life.
“If it interferes with your other relationships with friends and family or prevents you from fulfilling other responsibilities like working, taking care of children, paying bills or medical appointments, it’s a sign that ‘There could be a problem,’ she said.
How to get help
When you’re dealing with a love addiction, you might consider quitting cold turkey, giving up on love, and moving out into the woods alone. But just like other addictions, the obsessive need for love must be treated with caution.
In addition, love is something very important for us to feel fulfilled in our life. Rather than trying to give it up completely, you can seek to find a healthy balance.
Some coping strategies suggested by Dr. Gerardo include:
Open communication
Since the symptoms of love addiction usually involve another person, communication is key to resolving any issues you may be experiencing. You may realize that you are avoiding communication because of fear or anxiety, but having a open dialogue about your feelings can ultimately bring clarity to your relationship.
“This includes communicating with the partner, with yourself, and even with friends and family before entering into the relationship,” says Dr. Gerardo.
Especially with a partner, it’s good to be honest about some of the complicated feelings you’re experiencing. This can help you feel more open about how you feel and can let them know what you could work on and why.
For example, perhaps to deal with feelings of love dependence, you decide to spend more time alone. Communicating this change in behavior to your partner so they know what your motivations are can help maintain a healthy bond. And if you have trouble putting your emotions into words, couples advice can also be a good option.
Seek other perspectives
A common red flag in any relationship – romantic or otherwise – is if it puts blinders on you from the rest of the world. When this happens, it can be difficult to notice problems or toxic behaviors. Dr. Gerardo recommends bursting this “love bubble” by seeking out people in your life to get their perspective.
“If your friends and family notice that these issues persist for a long time and interfere with all of your normal responsibilities and behaviors, then that would be a signal to pump the brakes and communicate your needs with your partner. she says.
Therapy and counseling
Individual or group therapy can help address underlying issues and learn healthier relationship patterns.
If you feel like love addiction might be affecting your personal health or that of your relationship, speaking with a therapist can help resolve your concerns. A session with a couples counselor or another type of group therapy can also help you and your partner find a healthier, more balanced place.
The essential
A love addiction can definitely have an effect on your well-being. If you feel completely absorbed in someone and something to the point that it affects the way you eat, sleep, or respond to stressful situations, it may be time to evaluate your relationship with love. With attention, outside perspectives, and guidance, there are ways to find peace with feelings of love and transform them into a more positive force in your life.
